


You will Never Sleep Alone

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 14:05:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun often wakes up in the middle of the night, tormented by nightmares. Chanyeol sleeps on the floor with him until he goes back to sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You will Never Sleep Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Some triggering themes:  
> -mention of a car crash  
> -very minor character death  
> -PTSD  
> -Implied depression

Chanyeol first saw his best friend cry in freshman year of college. After all, they did share a dorm and it would’ve been hard to hide. Baekhyun had woken up in the middle of the night, another nightmare tormenting him, and had fallen to the floor sobbing before realizing that Chanyeol was awake. Chanyeol had sat with him on the floor for hours and fell asleep there. And the next night. And the next. Until it had become almost routine, sleep on the floor with Baekhyun until he isn’t scared anymore. Until he’s okay.

~~

That night, Chanyeol feels Baekhyun’s form next to him when he wakes up. Chanyeol sits up, sees that it’s 12 am from the red digital clock on the table next to his bed. The moon is shining through the window and Baekhyun looks peaceful wrapped in his little red blanket, brown hair sprawled across his face and his body curled into the fetal position. Chanyeol has gotten so used to sleeping on the old carpet that he can get quite a good night's sleep on it, but tonight his unmade bed looks extra inviting compared to the cold floor. Chanyeol climbs into his own bed and turns over to look at Baekhyun. Baekhyun has been his best friend since 10th grade, and they have done everything together, even applying to same university and rooming together. In 10th grade, it was different. Chanyeol loved the boy with the kind smile and soft voice. Baekhyun was his everything. He lays on the floor now, tortured by his own dreams, and he is still Chanyeol’s everything. Chanyeol feels his eyes grow heavy as he looks at the boy, illuminated by the moon and curled up as though he is flinching. Chanyeol falls asleep to Baekhyun’s light breathing every night.

~~

“Morning, Fuckball.” Chanyeol feels his head being smothered by a pillow, and gasps, pushing it off to reveal Baekhyun’s shit-faced grin and frizzy bedhead. He has to remind himself that this is morning Baekhyun. Completely different then night Baekhyun.  
“You forgot to turn your alarm on again.” Baekhyun leans back from over Chanyeol’s bed and Chanyeol sits up, surveying the dorm room. They really are typical college boys, he thinks to himself. His dresser is overflowing with clothes and most of Baekhyun’s are on the floor. The mini fridge was unplugged long ago, the beds are forever unmade and the small desks tucked in the corners are either covered with dirty plates (Chanyeol) or schoolwork (Baekhyun). Baekhyun is getting dressed in the middle of the room, swapping boxers for his “dance pants,” those hideous drop crotch pants that Chanyeol privately thinks only Baek can pull off.  
“At least it’s Friday though, right?” Chanyeol agrees as he pulls on a shirt. His singing teacher barely ever judges the student attire, seeing as she comes to class in pajamas regularly.  
“Any plans tonight, Baek?”  
“Was gonna hang with Kyungsoo and the group. Wanna join?”  
“Sure.”  
“Have fun with only one class today.” Baekhyun scowls at Chanyeol.  
“‘s not my fault I didn’t cram my schedule.”  
“Hey!” Baekhyun grabs his backpack and tries to look pissed as he swings it over his shoulder, but Chanyeol thinks he looks like a confused puppy.  
“See you around, Baek.” School would be long for Baek. He would probably get to the dorm just in time to change. As Baekhyun makes his way out of the dorm, half-eaten protein bar in hand, he mumbles to Chanyeol the same thing he does every morning.  
“Thank you for last night.”  
“I told you that you didn’t have to say that every time.” Chanyeol says that every time, too.  
“But I do, Chan.” And he was gone. The boy with the nightmares. The boy of his dreams.

~~

The day was uneventful as always. Chanyeol arrives at Kyungsoo’s apartment a little late, having taken a nap and once again forgotten to turn on his alarm. Kyungsoo has a nice apartment, paid for with parents money and big enough to accommodate Jongin, Baekhyun, Sehun, and various others who the three brought with them. When Chanyeol steps into the apartment, he recognizes only pink-haired Luhan besides his four other friends. He scans the crowd for Baekhyun, never having been a fan of conversing with strangers, no matter of how much an extrovert he appears to be. He finds Baekhyun on a couch, beer in hand next to Sehun and some strange girl who was ogling Sehun.  
“Hey Baek, Sehun...?” he motions to the girl, who introduces herself and turns away to talk to other people almost instantly.  
“How are you guys? Haven’t seen you in a while.” Sehun cracks a smile.  
“We saw you yesterday.” Almost two years, and Chanyeol still doesn’t understand Sehun’s sense of humor.  
“Welcome to the joke, idiot.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes at Chanyeol. He is used to him not understanding simple comedy, seeing as Chanyeol can be as dumb as a brick when it comes to being social. They exchange small talk for a while, and eventually Sehun leaves to find Kyungsoo and they are left alone, the way it seems to always end up, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, Chanyeol and Baekhyun.  
“Can I rant to you?” Without waiting for a response, Baekhyun turns to him and starts cursing his dance teacher with a fury that seems to big for his body. Chanyeol nods and smiles from here to there, fulfilling his duty as the best friend of Baekhyun. It makes him remember when they first really talked, at a beginning-of-the year party in some guys house. Baekhyun had been the center of attention as usual, his looks attracting girls and guys alike, something about him acting like a flame and Chanyeol was just a moth. Baekhyun was one of the most popular kids in school besides Yifan, his at the time greatest friend. As the party went later, more people left and Baekhyun got drunker. Chanyeol just “happened” to sit next to the beautiful boy and Baekhyun, beer in one hand, eagerly started conversation with him.  
“Hey! Chan, right? I think it’s that?” Baekhyun hiccuped.  
“Y-yeah, It’s Chanyeol.”  
“Can I rant to you, Chanyeol?”  
“Sure...?” And Baekhyun started to rant about how he despised Yifan. Chanyeol chuckles now, remembering the beginning chapter of their friendship, which should actually be called “Chanyeol Was a Jerk and Told the Whole School about Baekhyun’s Hatred of Yifan, leading Baekhyun to Hate him and then Forgive him Because Yifan was Actually an Asshole.”

“And that is why Professor Cole is a nasty ass motherfucker. You weren’t listening!”  
“Huh?” Chanyeol snaps out of the past. He thinks about it way too much. “I was listening.”  
“Don’t lie to me, Park Chanyeol. I can always tell when you’re lying.” Baekhyun smiles at Chanyeol, and his heart melts like it always does. And Chanyeol hates it.

~~

Quiet crying. He turns over in bed to see Baekhyun sitting on the floor, his red blanket over his shoulders. It’s instinct, Chanyeol rolls off his bed onto the floor and wraps his arms around Baekhyun. Baekhyun leans into his shoulder, tucking his head under Chanyeol.  
“What was it, Baekhyun? You wanna talk about it?”  
“My mom.”  
“I’m so sorry, Baek. C’mere.” Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun tighter. It hurts him so much to see the usually calm and collected boy on pieces on the floor, no matter how many times he’s seen it.  
“I wanna drink.” Baekhyun sounds so, so broken.  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah.” Baekhyun breaks, almostly meanly, out of Chanyeol’s grasp and reaches under his bed for the stash of liquor they keep there. This is nighttime Baekhyun. This is nightmare Baekhyun. Baekhyun takes the bottle of vodka from under the bed and begins to sip at it, eyes wild and frantic.  
“I don’t think this is a good idea, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol is right, of course. A drunk Baekhyun is a reveal-all-his-secrets-and-then-cry-for-hours Baekhyun.  
“Of course it’s not.” Baekhyun takes another swig. “I see her all the time now, Channie. All the fucking time. She’s always in my dreams. She just watches me. She just watches me. I miss her, I miss her all the fucking time, every fucking day. I can almost touch her, in the dreams.” Baekhyun is sitting across from Chanyeol on the floor, his face now devoid of anything. It scares Chanyeol. It’s the same face Baekhyun started wearing in 12th grade. His mother had died suddenly, unexpectedly, in a car crash where Baekhyun had been in the passenger seat. His mother had died quickly, her chest slamming into the steering wheel. Baekhyun had been very lucky, the doctors said. Except for a scar down his chest from some window glass, he had been unharmed. But that was when Baekhyun had changed.  
“I don’t think you know me, Channie.” Baekhyun’s voice is a little slurred, his eyes are glazed. Chanyeol should stop him soon, but Chanyeol has never really been able to control his best friend.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You remember Jongin’s party? Freshman year?”  
“No.” Of course Chanyeol remembers the party. He has been lying to Baekhyun and Jongin about it for over a year, claiming he was too drunk to remember, that he blacked out. “I've told you a million times.”  
“I can always tell when you’re lying.”  
“Why are we talking about this?”  
“Because I remember. And so do you.”  
“I’m not talking about this right now. Baekhyun, give me the bottle.” Chanyeol swipes the vodka bottle from Baekhyun and he makes only half an effort to get it back. Chanyeol knows Baekhyun won’t press the matter of the party. His tipsy brain probably has already moved to another pressing matter.  
“I think I have a problem, Chanyeol.”  
“I think you do to. I’ve told you that you should get help.”  
“I don’t listen to you in the daytime, do I.”  
“Nah. I don’t blame you though. It must be hard.”  
“I should get help.”  
“I’ve said that.”  
“Are you pissed at me?” This comes out as a whisper, and Baekhyun slumps to lay down on the floor. It breaks Chanyeol’s heart all over again. He remembers Baekhyun coming to school the week after the crash. He kept his eyes to the floor and never raised his hand in class, sat alone with Chanyeol for lunch, and kept a permanent glazed expression. Chanyeol was the one who was trying not to cry that night, laying in bed remembering how Baekhyun had smiled and laughed and worked hard in school only days ago. The last think he did was piss him off.  
“Of course you don’t piss me off. You would never piss me off. God, Baekhyun, c’mere.” Chanyeol crawls over to Baekhyun on the floor and Baekhyun reaches out for him and nestles his head in Chanyeol’s chest.  
“I’m sorry, Channie.” Chanyeol’s heart beat against his ribcage, louder, louder, and Baekhyun looks small against his chest. It’s times like these when Chanyeol has to pretend. Pretend that he doesn’t feel his heart beat louder, his senses becoming hyperaware. He has to care for Baekhyun. Before his love, Baekhyun is his best friend. And his best friend was shivering, quietly crying in Chanyeol’s shirt. 

Baekhyun falls asleep like this, and Chanyeol can’t bring himself to look away from Baekhyun’s peaceful form and soft face.

~~

To: Jonginnnn  
Ayy. Can I come over real quick?

To: Me  
suree

Chanyeol shuts off his phone and heads out of the apartment, careful not to wake Baekhyun on the weekend. Last night, he had sat for hours, wondering what he should do. He needed to get Baekhyun help for his PTSD, first of all... but then the fact that Chanyeol was, and has been for a long time, desperately in love with Baekhyun. And the root of the problem, really, was Jongin’s party, freshman year of college. Arriving at Jongin’s small apartment and stepping inside, Chanyeol saw Jongin sprawled on the couch watching T.V.  
“Hey Chan. Wassup?” Jongin kept looking at the T.V, but apparently he could tell Chanyeol was there.  
“Where’s Sehun?” Sehun is Jongin’s “roommate,” and ever-annoying presence in the apartment.  
“Sleeping. It’s Saturday, remember?” Jongin turns off the T.V and turns to face Chanyeol on the couch. Chanyeol’s throat clenches. “What’s up, Chan?” This is it. Chanyeol feels himself becoming cold, and the room looks a lot less like a cozy apartment and more like a jail cell.  
“Remember that party you threw, freshman year? The one where I got really wasted?”  
“Yeah.”  
“What happened between me and Baekhyun?”  
“What?” Jongin’s face goes an interesting shade of crimson. “Um... I don’t know what you mean.”  
“Dude. You’re one of my best friends. Tell me what happened.” Chanyeol remembered what happened, he just wanted to be sure. That night he truly had been wasted, and he didn’t know if the whole thing was some fantasy or dream.  
“We were all talking in the kitchen, you and Kyungsoo and Baekhyun and I and we were all so drunk. And I remember you and Baekhyun just talking and I left and Kyungsoo left and Baekhyun told me so I don’t know... okay, well basically Baekhyun kissed you. But you were so drunk... he told me you don’t remember.

They were talking in the kitchen. Baekhyun looked even more beautiful with his beer goggles, his eyes bright, his smile wide. The apartment felt so big, the music like a spell on everyone there. And then Baekhyun was right next to him on the counter. And they were still smiling, laughing. And then Baekhyun.... “I hate you, Channie.” What? “I hate you so much.” And then Chanyeol was leaning in, and Baekhyun’s hands were in his hair...  
“What are you so afraid of, Chan?” Jongin sound the most serious he’s ever been. “You obviously like Baekhyun. Baekhyun, I think, likes you. Just... make it happen!”  
“I wish... you know, Jongin, Baekhyun has these terrible nightmares. Almost every night. It’s because of his mother. I think he has PTSD, or something. He’s just in a really bad place. He has been for years now. I thought when we left for college he would focus on something else, realize that he loves to sing, dance, whatever. And he does! Don’t get me wrong, he tries so so hard. He parties, he seems so normal and perfect. But at night he wakes up from these nightmares and I comfort him for hours. And it’s fine by me. But wouldn’t it be incredibly selfish to give him something else to worry about? His best friend in love with him? I think so, at least. He’s not even healing yet. I can’t do that to him. I need to help him, not... I don’t know. Something else.” Finally. Chanyeol said it. His heart is ringing in his ears, but he feels... calm. At peace.  
“You are an idiot, Chanyeol.”  
“What?” those were the last words he expected Jongin to say.  
“Go home... think about it, Chanyeol. Think long and hard.” Jongin tries to sound serious, but it’s Jongin, after all. “You’ll see, you stupid son of a bitch. Go home.”

~~

Baekhyun was at his desk working on schoolwork when Chanyeol walks back in. The sky outside the window looks bruised, and the room is cold as ice.  
“Where have you beeeeeeen?” Baekhyun looks up at Chanyeol, whining.  
“At Jongin’s, sorry. It’s freezing in here! Close the window!”  
“Sorry.”  
“Baekhyun. We need to talk.”  
“Do we?” Baekhyun squirms in his seat, pretending to be focusing on his homework.  
“Yeah. And this time, you are gonna listen to me.” Chanyeol sits on Baekhyun’s bed. “Listen, Baek. I really care about you, and I think that you should see someone. Like a therapist, maybe. Ever since the accident, you’ve changed. And that’s not a bad thing... but the nightmares are. Almost every night, Baekhyun-”  
“I’m sorry, Chan. I’m so so sorry.” Baekhyun interrupts him, and Chanyeol tries to shush him. “No. Chan, let me talk. Let me say something. I need to tell you everything.” Baekhyun stands up and walks to the window, leaning on the wall.  
“Mom and I were driving to school when we got in a headlong collision on the left side of our car. I blacked out almost right after it happened.” Baekhyun’s voice cracks and he covers his face,  
“Baek...”  
“Let me talk! I came back to school, and everyone was so nice to me. I had been in the hospital for a week, mostly because of the trauma. My injuries were minimal. And then there was you, Channie, you were the kindest person. You sacrificed school work. You stopped seeing other friends to come to my house and make sure I was okay. You would come over at all hours of the night, you would sleep over... when I had an anxiety attack about not knowing anyone in college, you decided to accept the same college I did. Don’t try to convince me that wasn’t why.” Baekhyun hears Chanyeol about to interject.  
“I had suspected for a while I had some sort of trauma thing going on. Violent flashbacks, the whole shebang. The dreams started when I went here though. Freshman year. I got diagnosed with PTSD the beginning of this year.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” to Chanyeol it feels like the room grows even colder, Baekhyun’s bed seems lumpy and the stains on the carpet stand out stronger then before.  
“Because I didn’t want you to worry. Channie, you do so much for me. You lay on the carpet with me at night while I cry, for fuck’s sake!” Baekhyun is crying now, his hands on his face. Chanyeol feels rage boil in his stomach, something like hot bullet slowly working it’s way towards his heart.  
“God, Baek!” Chanyeol almost yells, and Baekhyun turns his back to the window sharply. “Don’t you get it! It doesn’t bother me! I wanna care for you, I never never want you to have to feel like this alone. I never wanna leave you alone. I would gladly sleep on the floor every fucking night if it made you happy! I can’t believe-” Baekhyun looks stricken against the wall of the dorm, pale, afraid.  
“I would do the same for you. I would do it a million times. You... you have no weaknesses, Chanyeol, and I’m so fucking weak. I’m 19 years old. I cry about my mom. I work, I go to school, and I go home and cry about my MOM. Chanyeol, I don’t want you to become weak.” And Chanyeol feels a blush rise in his cheeks, he doesn’t know what from, maybe it’s Baekhyun’s intense gaze. Maybe because he’s gonna say it.  
“Baekhyun....” It comes out as a whisper. “I don’t have many weaknesses. Mostly because I don’t let myself have any.” He steps towards Baekhyun leaning against the wall until they are maybe a foot apart. “I have a weakness. You know my weakness. You know my weakness.” And Baekhyun’s face is a couple of inches away, everything about him frozen and pale. Both of them are still.

Baekhyun moves first.  
Suddenly, he tilts his head up and stands on his tiptoes and kisses Chanyeol . Chanyeol wraps his arms around Baekhyun as their lips meet, slotting together like they were always meant to. Chanyeol presses Baekhyun closer to the wall, and everything comes out in this kiss. It’s a million should-have-beens, I-wishes, and mostly, finally. Finally, finally, finally.  
Finally.


End file.
